Gossamer and Steel
by Reality Killed Us
Summary: "Their love is a gossamer thread; beautiful and stunning, yet easily dismantled. Kate hadn't wanted to believe they could break, not until she found herself in the middle of the tattered remains of their life together." A story of loss and love. Starts out sad but gets happier as it goes. AU
1. Chapter 1

_Hi guys! This is my first Castle story. I haven't written anything in awhile, so bare with me if this isn't some grand piece of artwork_

_For what I have outlined, this should be a semi AU story, around 8 chapters in total. I can't promise I'll update quickly, but I am setting a goal for the longest time between chapters being a week. _

**DISCLAIMER: Not mine. **

* * *

_Prologue._

He asks for a divorce on a Saturday night over dinner. In hindsight, Kate should have seen it coming. They haven't eaten together in almost six months: Kate stuck at work or Castle locked in his office trying to write. Kate hadn't thought anything of it. He hadn't said anything about it. Words were Castle's specialty, he'd made millions off of them. Kate relied on actions, and hoped that Castle would speak for both of them.

She had fallen in love with his words first. Everything else had seemed to fall into place.

So, when she stumbled into the loft at around 10 after a long day at the precinct, to find dinner laid out and Castle waiting for her, she was surprised, but not worried. Maybe she should have been.

"Woah Castle... This looks delicious" Kate states as she slides off her boots and hangs up her coat.

"Figured we'd need it. It's been awhile"

And now Kate feels bad for taking the late shift tonight. She could have been home hours ago, hell, even had the day off if she tried. But she needed to be away from home today. Castle had to understand.

"You coming?" he murmurs. Kate glances over at her husband. His childlike features have long since hardened. He hasn't written anything in a year, though not for lack of trying. He'd spent days locked in his study, resulting in nothing more than crumpled paper with scratched out first sentences. Kate had figured it was his way of grieving. But he had promised Gina that he would have 4 chapters done by the end of the month, so if he was writing, he wasn't showing it to her.

Another oddity, but Kate didn't want to think about what that meant to them either.

She slides into her chair, eyes scanning over the table Castle has set out for them. His cooking skills never cease to amaze her. When they had first started dating, Castle would cook extravagant breakfasts and sit in bed and eat until Kate's stomach stretched and she felt like if she ate any more she might just explode. Then they would always fall into bed for round two

Or four or five.

Castle serves her some salad, and carves her some of the breast meat of the roast chicken that he knows she loves. She mulls all this over while sipping the wine he has poured her. Not his fanciest bottle, but good enough.

He sits across her from the dinner table. There was a time where they would always be sitting next to each other, constant contact: knees knocking underneath tables and hands laced together. But now, the space is normal, necessary even. They've been through enough lately, space is what they need.

"How's work? Hard case?"

He hasn't been with her to work with her for almost six months too. After the accident, he had tried to come back and work with her, but after a few weeks, he began to dwindle. He began taking days off, which turned to weeks, and finally, he stopped coming all together. Claimed that he needed to write, and that he was behind. Nobody was going to disagree with him.

"Yeah it was a hard case. Actually, it was one you might have liked. Crazy theory stuff. Kept me there so late." The excuse falls limply out of Kate's mouth.

"Actually, Ryan called. Around six. Invited us over to dinner with him and Jenny. He said that Jenny thought it would be good for us to be out of the house. Said that Jenny wanted him to call me to make sure I got the message. And it would be a nice break from all the paperwork you guys have been doing."

Well, Kate's caught now. No point in trying to lie her way out of this one.

"Look Castle, I..."

He's shaking slightly now. The food he made them forgotten in front of them.

"You what, Kate. You wanted to be alone. Wanted to spend today alone. Couldn't bear to come home and spend time with your husband tonight?"

He's angry, but what scares Kate is just how calm he is too. He doesn't yell at her, doesn't raise his voice in the slightest. If anything, he looks devastated.

"That had nothing to do with you Castle, and you know that. I needed time alone today. You, of all people, should understand."

He stands up abruptly, and the table jumps with him. The force is enough to send Kate's fork and knife skittering off her plate.

"That has everything to do with me Kate. It has to do about us"

"I'm allowed to grieve."

"That's not what I'm saying Kate."

"Then spit it out Castle. I don't want to spend the rest of my night guessing what you're trying to convey."

"I want a divorce"

And there it was. The reason for the dinner and the attempt at small talk. And if Kate wasn't hurting enough today as is, she feels herself crack right down the middle. Her nerves set on fire as she grips the table until her knuckles turn white. This was really happening.

"When I married you Castle, I wanted forever."

"I did too, Kate, trust me."

"So you walk away when it gets hard. Castle, that's not how marriage works. I figured by your third time you had this figured it out"

She doesn't know how Castle remains so calm through this. She herself is furious. Katherine Beckett is nothing if not a fighter. She'll fight him for this until one of them walks out the door.

"I can't be competing with a ghost Kate. Its driving us both insane."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean."

"It means, that he was my son too"

He's crying now, and so is she. She never thought it would come to this.

"Castle... please... don't leave. Not because of this."

He picks her up, and cradles her in his arms. She wants to fight, to push him away. But she can't. She simply leans into him and cries silently.

And to his, credit, he stays later than she thought he would. He's sturdy as she breaks against him. And when she finally falls asleep, he carries her and puts her to bed like he's done for Alexis when she was small.

He runs his fingers across the soft plane of her forehead, ending on the thin silver scar that starts at her temple, before snaking towards her hair line.

He bends down to her, smelling the vanilla of her hair for the first time in such a long time, while realizing it will most likely be the last. He

"I love you Kate" he whispers with a feeble voice. "But right now, I think the wall that's between us is too big to break down. And I'm so sorry"

And when she wakes up the next day, part of her thinks it was all an awful dream. She partially expects to find him in the kitchen making coffee for her before work. But the kitchen is empty, and she breaks again.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey guys! First off, thanks for all the follows, reviews, likes, etcetera etcetera. As someone who just joined the fandom, it really makes my heart swell. I haven't really written anything good in a long time, so it's nice to know some people still think I've got something to work with. _

_On a second note. Some of you have told me that you all thought this story has been done before. I had no idea, because as I said before, I'm new to this fandom. But thanks for telling me! I reviewed it (good story by the way. It's called Unfinished by the author Eyrianone. I'd suggest it to anyone) and it actually takes a pretty different structure than I was planning. However it does kinda stem from the same basic idea. So here's to hoping that I can keep y'alls attention and keep it creative._

**DISCLAIMER: disclaimed **

* * *

_Before _

She's not sure if it's the brisk air of a New York fall, or Castle's inability to keep his hands off her today, but Kate feels flustered, annoyed, and excited all at the same time.

She runs around his apartment, because she's late, _they're late_, for work. She fights every urge to call in sick, to spend the day spent curled up in one of his ratty college sweatshirts, with a cup of coffee while reading over the manuscript he'd promised her she could look at before it got sent off to Gina. And she knows she has to be responsible, but it doesn't help that she can hear Castle humming in the kitchen, which is so maddening annoying and cute, that she wants to run back and kiss him again.

She finally settles on her royal blue sweater and a pair of dark jeans that she knows Castle loves. She wants to drive him crazy today. Payback for this morning.

Castle can tell when she enters the room too. He finished making her coffee, steady hands crafting another intricate shape with the foam, fighting every urge to turn to her and kiss her, touch her, reaffirm her presence. They've been together for a year now, yet Castle keeps waiting to wake up from this pleasant delusion.

It's safe to say that neither of them have had a relationship that worked this well.

She bumps up next to him, grabbing the coffee out of his hands and taking the first sip. He watches, pleased the way she moans as the hot liquid slips down her throat. She looks up at him, shy and skittish, before leaning in to kiss him again. The taste of coffee, spice, and them is almost overpowering. Kate closes her eyes, and rests her forehead against his, breathing slowly, before falling back down on to flat feet. Castle chuckles slightly, smiling while looking at her. She can't help but notice the wrinkles that form at the corner of his eyes.

She also notices his uncombed hair, the way his soft silk robe complements his eyes, and the slightly ragged edges of his flannel pajama pants.

He's not dressed, she realizes. He's not coming into work today.

She tries not to let her spirits fall. She worked years without him, she doesn't need him there to insure her productivity. Yet part of her feel cheated. He'd finally promised to help her with some paperwork today. She'd been waiting years for this.

"I know, I know. _I promised_." He pulls her close but she resists. She's not mad at him, she knew that this was coming, but it's still fun to pretend. She hides behind her hair.

"It's just that Gina, she called and said she needs me to finish a chapter by today. And since there isn't a case, I figured…"

"You'd skip out on your share of paperwork, huh?"

She looks up, seeing his apprehensive expression, and she smirks at him again. He looks worried, sensing her underlining disappointment she hides under her pseudo-agitated persona she's using now.

She shakes her head, and he is amazed by the way the light bounces off her perfect curls, and how bright her eyes are. He could write hundreds of novels, and not be even close to explaining the magic that is her.

That is them

"Well, one of us has real work to do"

And with that, she bumps him out of the way, turning on her heel and walking towards the door. She grabs her leather jacket out of his closet, slips on her boots that are placed next to his, grabs one of his scarfs and wraps it around her neck. It looks like she belongs here, like it's her home, and Castle has never been more aroused in his life.

"Want to grab lunch later?"

She's out the door when she answers, Castle watching her curls disappear down the hall and into the elevator

"If you're lucky"

God knows he is.

* * *

He does write for the beginning part of the day, just so he doesn't feel like he lied to her. There's no way he could have worked beside her today and not spoiled it. So he writes romance scenes to help, simple fluffy scenes between Nikki and Rook that will be edited out of the final product, but Castle can't help but writing

When he looks up at the clock and sees it's approaching midday and his nerves kick in. It's happening, and it's happening soon.

He's been planning this for so much longer that would be deemed appropriate.

It would be intimate, and original, because grandeur wasn't something she enjoyed.

It would be in fall, because it was her favorite season.

It would be at the swing set, because it was them.

He's fumbled over the words, but decided to keep it simple and elegant. _Speak from the heart, Richard _as his mother had instructed him.

He texts her, asking to meet him for lunch at the swings. She responds with her normal snarky response, asking why they were eating outside, and that he had let his standards slip. He's not sure how he responds, too nervous and excited, but she agrees to meet him in 15 minutes, and he's left feeling like he could hyperventilate or break out in nervous laughter at any moment.

It's happening. And he's so very excited

* * *

She meets him at the swings. She stills for a moment before she crosses the street; taking the moment to appreciate his broad profile against the spectrum of fall colors.

She walks up to sits facing him, rocking back in the swing slightly. She smiles when she sees him

"Interesting place to take a girl for lunch"

"I figured we could sit here for a bit, look at the trees. I know fall's your favorite season. And since you've been inside…"

"It's sweet Castle" her laugh contrasts his serious demeanor. "Don't worry so much"

"Just trying to be romantic"

"That's not something you have to worry about"

There's a pause in the conversation, and Kate scans him. He's tense; with a clenched jaw and eyes that are focused on the horizon. His mind is elsewhere, so unlike himself. She can't help but worry slightly as she watches him wipe his hands down his pant legs over and over.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I've been thinking a lot lately. About you, and me. Our relationship."

Kate stills, steadying her swing. There's only two ways this could end. And she's not sure which one he's leading off towards.

"And Kate, the last five years with you, they've been some of the best years of my life. And this past year, God Kate, I don't think I can tell you how happy I've been."

She feels her eyes start to water.

"And I know I annoy you. And I know that I'm childish. And I know that you could be with someone younger, cooler and better… but you're with me. Do you know how happy that makes me?"

More tears, and she's blushing too. Part of her wants to stay in control, but it's overpowered. He's overpowering.

"I want to write hundreds of books about you, never stop looking at you, spend the rest of my life with you."

He's on his knee in front of her now.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

She falls to meet him on the ground, framing his face with her hands and kissing him hard.

"Yes, Rick, yes"

* * *

She doesn't go back to work after. She calls in a favor with the boys, telling them that they owe her for all the times she's saved their asses from Gates. She tries to be demanding, tries to hide the joy and excitement from her voice.

Granted it didn't help that Castle had his head buried in her neck for the duration of the phone call.

She bites down on her lip, trying not to moan, while also attempting to get him off of her long enough to get a cab.

"Beckett you okay?"

"Yeah Espo, I'm great. Just cover for me. I'll see you tomorrow"

Castle takes her phone and hangs up on Esposito, before burying it in his pocket.

"Tonight Kate, it's just you and me"

They fall into a cab together, barely able to keep their hands off each other. When they get to the loft, Castle throws a wad of bills at the driver before leading Kate up to the loft.

Their home.

* * *

They make love several times that night, both hot and fast and slow and sweet. The energy between them is metallic; sharp and unyielding. Kate's not sure she'll be able to walk properly. Not to mention the marks that Castle's left on her.

Though she can't complain. She's left a few of her own.

She settle into him, watching as the dull lamp light flickers off her engagement ring, and can't help but feel like everything for once, had settled into place.

Castle moves closer to her, tightening his grip and humming nonsense into her ear. She almost cries, just from shear happiness, but falls asleep instead.

* * *

_Review if you like it. Review if you think I need to improve something. Review if you're like me, and cheated and watched the new Castle episode a day early and don't know what to do with life. _

_xoxo ~ Ziggy_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys. I am so sorry it took me this long to update. Life has been, in a word, a mess. I promise to be better. _

**DISCLAIMER: disclaimed**

* * *

_Before _

"You look like you're about to get sick all over that pretty white dress of yours"

Kate stands in front of the full length mirror in the bridal suite, fiddling with the neckline of her dress. Its low cut, certainly flatters her clavicle bones, but she can feel the top of her scar burning through the fabric.

She adjusts the neck line again, trying to ease her insecurities. He's seen the scar thousands of times, traced its outline with his broad fingertips. Today however, she didn't want to look as damaged as the scar made her feel

"You can't see it, you know"

Lanie appears behind Kate, making eye contact through their reflections. Her purple bridesmaid dress is knotted at one shoulder, flowing loosely across her chest and down her back. It offsets well with the cream colored lace of hers.

"It's just… it _feels _like that's all anyone is gonna see"

Lanie laughs at her, and Kate knows she's being ridiculous.

"You think that all those people, who, mind you, sitting in one of the most beautiful wedding services I've ever seen, are going to be focused on a tiny scar you can't even see? Have you seen what you look like? Girl, they're not going to be focused on some scar tissue they can't even see."

Kate exhales a shaky breath, and Lanie tightens her grip on her bicep.

"Cold feet are normal Kate. But this is Rick we're talking about. You two are so in love, it's painful for the rest of us"

Kate laughs slightly, rubbing her face with the back of her hand.

"I just want to marry him already. I feel like I've waited so long just to be married to him"

"And you will. You've just got to get through one gorgeous service in a beautiful building, sit through a lovely meal with 200 of your closest friends and family, and then you have him all to yourself"

Across the hall, Castle is doing no better. He paces the length of the room Ryan and Esposito stuck him in. His mind is focused on the little things, details such as the candles by the entrance, the band knowing their cues, or the accent color in the center pieces. He wants everything to be perfect.

Because while yes, this isn't his first wedding, he fully intends it to be his last.

Ryan comes in, cradling a bottle of water and a bottle of beer awkwardly. Castle choosing a best man had been somewhat of a challenge; both Esposito and Ryan strong candidates. At the end he had chosen the younger man, partially because he was his best friend, but also because he knows how important the little details are in a wedding.

Not to say that Esposito was left out. When they asked him to officiate the service, everyone with in a 10 block radius could feel his excitement, not to mention his pride.

"Wasn't sure which one you wanted, so I figured I should cover my bases" Ryan comments and shoves the two bottles towards Castle.

"It's eleven on a Saturday"

"Time is irrelevant on days like these."

Castle agrees and grabs the beer, deftly opening it, and taking a quick sip. He regrets it immediately, and chugs the water bottle.

"Feel better?"

"Is everything…"

"Everything's fine Castle. Everything's just like it needs to be. Now, let's go get you married off"

* * *

The wedding is stunning, Jim Beckett can't pretend it isn't. Rick managed to pull some major strings, so now he finds himself standing in the Reading Room of the New York Public Library, trying to stay out of everyone's way, and also trying not to cry.

His Katie is getting married.

God, he wishes Joanna was here.

He'll go visit her, after the ceremony is done and Kate and Rick are off alone. He'll tell her every detail; the vintage lace of their daughter's dress, the lilac of the table clothes for the reception, the chipped nails of the young violinist waiting to play, how many people that had shown up just to watch their daughter marry the man she loves.

He'll recite the vows Katie and Rick share, trying not to cry as he does. He'll make some comment about how Katie would find a way to marry her favorite author, and how he was kinder than she could even imagine, and how happy they are.

His baby is getting married.

Lanie comes up and grabs him by the elbow, signaling that it's time for everything to begin. He follows her to his daughter, walking through the lobby where the reception has been set up, and into a back room. He hears the violinist start to play, and the crowd settle down.

He passes Rick on the way. He looks nervous, but smiles brightly when he sees him. Jim doesn't think he could be anymore grateful that Katie had chosen him.

He passes Martha on the way too. She pulls him into a tight hug, whispering "See you on the other side of this" into his ear, before running off to join her part in the wedding processional.

Finally, he enters the bridal suite, which while had been crowed earlier, now only held the bride and her bridal party of two. Alexis stands by back of the wall, hands clutched around Kate's bouquet of lilies. He walks up to her, hugs her and tell her she looks stunning. The young girl looks up in relief. It's obvious that today is stressful for her as well. She's like her father that way, wanting everything to be perfect.

Then he goes up to his little girl, his Katie, and it takes all of his power not to cry. He'd say she was beautiful, but that's an injustice because she always is.

She looks so grown up. This can't possibly be the same girl who used to wake him up in the middle of the night because of the monsters in her closet.

"Hey Dad"

And there she is. That same girl that used to fight him when he told her it was time to leave the park, the girl who never ate the crust on her sandwiches, the girl who often refused to match her socks. His girl.

"You excited?"

She nods fervently, but Jim sees that she's also trying not to cry. She's emotional, no matter how hard she tries to hide it.

"You look just like your mother:"

"Oh Dad"

That does it. She falls into a hug, and he squeezes her hard like he used to do when she was nervous before a track meet or a big test. When they break apart, he wipes a lone tear off her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"Let's go do this"

* * *

Thus began the slowest walk of Katherine Beckett's life. She's clutching onto her Dad, not out of desperation, but rather preventing her from running up to Castle and kissing him where he stands.

She's been waiting for this for what sees so long.

But once she sees him, she almost stops in her tracks. He's so beautiful. And it's not because of how he fills out a tuxedo, but because of how happy he is. It mirrors how happy she feels.

She finally gets there, her father kisses her on the cheek and she walks up to Rick, and grabs his hands. He's been her anchor for so long. He'll steady her through this whirlwind of a day too.

The service passes, and neither can remember much of it. Javier does a wonderful job though, as they later learn when they go back and re-watch the footage.

"Now, given the history between these two, it only seems fitting that they have chosen to write their own vows, which is just as well, because I don't think I can think of anything nearly as beautiful to say as they will. So Rick, you ready to start?"

Castle nods at Esposito, yet still never breaking eye contact with Kate.

"Kate, you are one of the most maddening, frustrating, enchanting people I've ever met. I remember when I first met you, wormed my way into a case of yours, and I thought you were one of the most interesting people that I'd ever come across. So I crafted a character after you. But it wasn't enough."

Kate's tears are falling pretty freely now. Castle's grip on her hands tightens.

"I don't think it will ever be enough. I could write about you for the rest of my life, and it wouldn't hold a candle to you. To anything we've experienced, "

His voice cracks

"Or how much I love you. But I want to spend the next lifetime with you trying"

Kate bites her lower lip and smiles at him. It's her turn to speak, but he's made her speechless once again.

"Rick, you've always been so much better with words than me. So you'll have to forgive me if this isn't as beautifully romantic."

He lets out a watery laugh, which she mirrors.

"You've been my anchor for so long. So much longer than I think you realize. Physically, you came into my life 6 years ago, but God, you were here long before that. You and your words, Rick I don't think you even begin to realize how important to me they were. So six years ago, when you waltzed into my precinct I was thrilled. And granted, once you started changing things I wasn't so thrilled, and it might have taken awhile for me to adjust to that, I don't think I'd want it any other way."

Deep breaths. She can do this.

"I have finally found someone that I want to stand with me, through the rest of this. I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel as loved as you've made me feel. And while I can't write novels about you, I'm so happy that you'll let me try. I love you Richard Castle. And I always will"

With shaky hands, they exchange the rings. The cool medal feels familiar on Castle's finger. Not because he's done this before, but because it feels right.

They're both brimming with happiness, and so out of touch with everyone else in the room.

"You may now.."

Kate doesn't wait for Esposito to finish. She's waited long enough. She grabs Rick and kisses him, hoping she can express everything she wants to say but can't find the words.

"The bride…"

Everyone claps.

* * *

The reception is a blur. Rick and Kate sit at a small table, hands constantly intertwined, as the watch their closest friends and family go up and make speeches in their behalf.

Martha goes first, her dramatics have the crowd laughing along with her as she tells a story about young Rick and his first serious heart break at boarding school. Jim talks about Kate's fearlessness, and the first time she told him about Rick. The boys tag team a speech designed to embarrass Kate, which only leads to her threatening their lives. Alexis tells an equally embarrassing one about her father. College friends on both sides tell about their respective wild stages. Gates remains quite, but comes up and congratulates them later.

There are other parts too. But Castle and Beckett can't stop kissing each other long enough to really remember it.

They don't leave until it's late into the night. Their bodies are thrumming, the champagne and excitement of finally being married has reached its apex, and Castle grabs her by the hand and drags her towards the door.

"Castle, we can't just leave our own wedding"

"Sure we can. Just watch"

Kate stares at him, because he's absolutely ridiculous and she loves it.

"Ummm excuse me everyone one. Yeah… hello"

The crowd silences almost immediately. Kate begins to blush.

"I think I speak for both of us when I say I'm so happy all of you made it here to celebrate with us today. But I really want to go home and spend some time with my wife. So feel free to stay as long as you like, but I think Kate and I are gonna hang out back at our loft"

The crowd wolf whistles and cheers. Kate hides her face against his broad shoulders.

He waves, and pulls her out behind him. The crowd follows behind them, their cheering never ceasing.

They exit out the main entrance. Castle already had a town car pulled out front. Kate laughs again, shaking her head at him and his assumptions

"What if I wanted to stay for my whole wedding?"

"I know you better than that."

He pulls her in for a kiss, under the stone arches of the New York Public Library, surrounded by the light of 100 candles some poor person had the job of lighting, and 200 of their family and friends who haven't stopped cheering since Castle announced that he absolutely needed to leave so he could get Kate alone. Yet she doubts it could be any more perfect.

They fall into the town car, waving as they leave, and she's back on him, kissing his neck and throat. He groans in response, trying to work the buttons on the back of her extravagant wedding dress that he's about this close to ripping off together.

And the next day, when they wake up after a long, pleasurable night, to a loft that only inhabited by a slightly hung over Martha and an awkward Alexis (though given the state Kate left her father's neck in, she doesn't completely blame the younger girl for not looking her in the eye) it feels like everything has settled to just where it's supposed to be.

He gives her a coffee, and she loves him even more for that.

* * *

_There it is. Not sure if it's the best thing I've written, but it's out there now. Weddings are really not my thing._

_Anyways, review if you liked it. Review if you hated it. Review to tell me about your life. Review about anything, because you're the best. _


	4. Chapter 4

_I know I said I would update frequently, and you all need to believe me how sorry I am for not. All I'm gonna say is that growing up sucks and should be avoided at all costs._

**DISCLAIMER: disclaimed **

* * *

_Before_

She finds herself in the particular aisle in Rite Aid without even noticing. There she is, facing down an ocean of tests, realizing that, she is in fact, 14 days late.

Her mind has been all over the place as of late. They've been fighting more; the accumulation of a major book deal hanging over Castle's head, and the emergence of a string of murders leading her dangerously closer to senator Bracken and a rabbit hole she can't afford to fall into again.

Alexis hasn't made it any easier. She's been quick to remind Beckett she's not a member of her fan club. Kate can't pretend to be completely please with the dynamic as well. While Kate marvels at how close her husband is to his daughter, it seems strange to her that Alexis still hasn't left to make it on her own. When she was nineteen, Kate had spent her nights picking up her drunken father off the floor, not randomly crashing his loft whenever she wanted to. God forbid she ever brought a boy home to live with her and her father.

And now, she's here, staring at a wall of pregnancy tests, fully realizing that they might be adding another tiny person into this complicated web that is their personal life right now.

She leaves the store, resolving to pick up a test on her way back from work. She's got a murder to focus on.

* * *

The day passes slowly at the precinct. They've been on the same case for over a week, slowly trudging through evidence and breaking down alibies, while making very little progress. This are the types of cases that she actually misses Castle's crazy theories. At least he would have some lead to follow on, no matter how crazy it was. It would be something.

But Castle's been gone for the majority of the week, on an international book tour that's supposed to stretch on for at least another 2 weeks after.

It all makes it so much harder than it needs to be. She just wants him here, solving this case together. Not sending her pictures of all the bookstores he's in, all the European coffee shops he's sat in, all the bottles of wine he's tried. Not while she was stuck here.

She wants her husband.

Gates lets them leave at 8, stating that some rest might help them tomorrow. Fresh eyes and all that, though Kate can tell she's just as frustrated with the web of dead ends this case has provided. Kate leaves quickly, grabbing her coat and almost running out of the precinct. She's not even out of the building before she's pressed the speed dial that has her calling Castle.

"Uhhh… Kate?"

His voice is laced with sleep, and Kate momentarily chastises herself for forgetting about the significant time difference. The need for his reassurance had overpowered her judgment, something she realized, happened a fair amount when it came to him.

"Sorry babe. Go back to sleep. It's nothing"

"'s okay. I'm awake now. Wanna talk to you"

"I don't know Castle. Based off your sentence structure, I'd think you're pretty sleepy. Aren't you supposed to be a world class writer or something?"

"Katherine Beckett, did you just insult my grammar and syntax?"

She laughs, because despite all the shit they've been working through lately, all the negativity and the space, he still manages to be the goofball she loves.

"I miss you Rick"

"I miss you more"

"Doubt it."

"Do you have a countdown to when I get to see you again? Because I do. We've got 386 hours to go"

"You're such a nerd"

"But I'm your nerd"

He yawns, and Kate hates herself for calling him this late. He is working after all, not matter how different their jobs seemed at the moment.

"Go to bed Castle. You've got a long day ahead of you."

"Tuck me in?"

"I would if I could"

"Until tomorrow then?"

"Night Castle"

She stops by the Rite Aid again on her way home, and consciously works her way back to the same aisle she found herself in earlier that morning. She grabs a few different tests and hurries to the checkout.

She's no longer scared. They can do this.

* * *

The test is positive. But Kate can't pretend she's surprised.

Though the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th positive tests also weakened the original suspense.

She still finds herself pushed through a wave of emotions. She's excited, nervous, thrilled, anxious, and slightly nauseous. Part of her wants open a window and yell at anyone that's listening, that she, in fact, was going to be a mom. Part of her just wants to sit and let it all settle in; keep the joy to herself and her family.

All of her wants Castle to be here.

She's not sure she can wait the 2 weeks for him to get back to tell him, but she knows this isn't the type of news that can be delivered over the phone. She paces around the empty loft, twirling the pregnancy test between her fingers. It amazes her how empty it feels without Castle. Alexis is back at school, and without her father present, her visits wane. She still stops by, once a week to do laundry, but often is so uncomfortable with Kate that she leaves quickly. They've been married for six months and Alexis still can't completely look Kate in the eye. Martha is gone too, utilizing the time as an excuse to go on an extensive month yoga retreat. "You know how Richard is" she had told Kate as she helped her cook "Always guilt tripping me about going off and doing things. Since he's gone, you know what they say, the mice will play."

Now she's here, surrounded by empty dishes that have stacked up in the sink, piles of clothes she has yet to sort, and the hum of the city outside. She's alone, or as close to it as she will be for a long time coming. It's thrilling, uneasy, and wholly unsettling. Like starting a new chapter, no, a new _book _in a long series. She'll have to remind Castle of that when he gets back, assuming he doesn't come up with it before she gets the chance. He's all about throwing around book puns when it comes to them; the peril that comes with a muse marrying her writer.

She wanders back to their bedroom, sliding the test in the top drawer of her vanity, and settles into one of Castle's baggy sweatshirts he keeps in the back of his closet, hidden in an ocean of silk dress shirts and wool overcoats.

She can wait the next two weeks. She's been waiting a long time already.

* * *

She does tell him when he gets home, but it wasn't how she planned it.

He manages to get out of the tour a few days early. He wanted to surprise her, sneak into the loft and slip into bed without her noticing. Have her wake up next to him without her fully realizing it; a grand romantic gesture about how much he's missed her.

He quietly sneaks into the loft, closing the door softly behind him and toeing his shoes off the moment he steps inside. His suitcases are left untouched by the sofa, jacket draped over the back of a chair. He'll pick up after himself tomorrow. He just wants to see his wife.

He approaches his room, noting the soft glow of a dimming light that exudes from the crack between the bottom of the door and the rug. Strange, he notes, but nothing close important enough to fixate on. He opens their bedroom door slowly, trying to wake her.

Granted, he wasn't expecting her to be already awake at 3 in the morning on a Thursday.

He really wasn't expecting to find her hunched over the toilet in the bathroom, puking.

"Oh God Kate"

He rushes to her, which startles her, causing her to jerk her head, which only makes her more nauseous, and brings her back to her previous position.

"We should go to the hospital or something" he mumbles as he slides down next to her on the floor, trying not to grimace as his knees protest. "I wanna make sure you're okay"

"I am fine Castle" she says in between strained breathes. She falls back into him, and sweaty and clammy and overall not the best Castle's ever seen her, but he has been gone for almost a month, so she's entitled to seek some physical contact.

"Why are you back tonight anyway? Thought you weren't gonna be home til Sunday"

"Trying to get rid of me?"

"Well, you're just gonna have to give me some time to get my other husband out of bed and moving, that's all'

He laughs at her, because despite her pail ghoulish complexion at the moment, with skin tinted green and hair that seemed to defy gravity only to be shaped into one, singular, large, cowlick, that she still finds energy to sass him.

"Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital? I'll take you"

"That's very sweet babe, but I'm fine. I promise"

She smiles that soft smile that he knows is reserved for only him, and he leans in to kiss her. He's close to, their noses touching, before he realizes it's probably a really bad idea to be swapping spit with someone that was just puking.

"I'm sorry Kate but I…"

"I'm just gonna brush my teeth real quick"

He laughs again, hugging her closer before they break apart momentarily. He settles into bed, listening to the sound of the running water from the tap and her quiet humming, and it amazes him how soothing it all sounds.

She slips into bed not too long after he does. He showers her with kisses then, the three weeks he's had to spend without her only making him realize he never wants to be apart from her again. They make love too, desperately, like long lost lovers they didn't even know they were.

She settles into him, watching the analog clock's numbers change and focusing on his steady breathing. It's comforting, after 3 weeks alone. She didn't even completely realize how alone she felt until she wasn't feeling it anymore.

"It's really late."

"Yeah I know"

"Don't you have to go to work tomorrow?"

"I think I'm just gonna call in sick"

"Sounds perfect."

Silence. The analog clock changes numbers, Castle breathes 17 times

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I really missed you"

"I really missed you too Rick"

* * *

He wakes up late in the afternoon, jetlag leaving him exhausted (Not his age. _Never _his age). Kate's drawn the blinds and cracked the window slightly, letting their bedroom fill with the warm light and the faint buzz of the city. Running his hands through his hair and slugging on one of his many robes, he leaves his room in search of her. They're like magnets, destined to attract each other; a constant steady pull.

He finds her sitting in the living room, settled into one of his Leatherman chairs with a book on her lap. She sits across it, with her long legs dangling off the arm. He can't help but stare, her shorts leaving little to imagination. Also it certainly was no secret that her legs are some of his favorite assists of hers.

She looks up at him and smiles. Her face looks softer than he remembers is, more well-rounded than he last remembers it. She's not as sharp and unwilling as when he first met her. She's soft and warm, malleable due a partnership that has lasted over 7 years now. She's kind and loving, and while Castle knows this has always been the case for her, it still marvels him that she allows him to see it.

She's here, sitting in _their _home, reading a book he knows she's read thousands of times, looking so comfortable and lovingly at him that he thinks he might just melt.

"Hey"

"Hey yourself"

"Coffee"

"I'm alright thanks"

"You sure? You've been three weeks without my coffee"

"It's also 2 in the afternoon. I think I'm gonna be okay"

"Your loss."

She laughs at him, and goes back to her book. She's not reading it, really. She's been on the same page for 15 minutes now. She's preoccupied. She's thinking of a way to tell him the secret she's been hiding since she took the test a few weeks prior. She bought a baby names book, wrapped it up as a gift for him. She just wasn't sure how to give it to him.

_"Clockwork Orange_. Haven't you read that at least 10 times already?"

"Nothing wrong with having favorites"

"Yes I just prefer when they're novels I've written"

"In your dreams"

He's sitting across from her, looking so devilish and handsome in that navy blue robe of his. She can't help but smile again.

"Rick, wanna go to Remy's for dinner tonight? For old times' sake?"

"That Katherine" he whispers as he pulls her off her chair and into him "sounds like a wonderful idea"

"But I think there's something else we should be focusing on right now"

And she follows him back into their bedroom like she always does.

* * *

They're about to leave for dinner when Castle starts to make things difficult.

She'd gotten him to agree to take the subway. Fresh air, exercise and all that. And they're walking out the door too, before Castle changes his mind.

"You're sick"

"Castle I promise you…"

"No, you are. You shouldn't be walking. If not for your sake, for everyone else who might catch it"

"I promise you, this isn't something you catch"

"Still…"

"Castle, I don't even have my keys with me."

And he's back in the apartment, running off towards their bedroom to where she's left her keys. "You'll thank me later" he yells over his shoulder and Kate can't help but mumble under her breath about how ridiculous he is.

He scans the dresser top quickly, not finding her keys. He's not going to ask her where they are. That will only serve to her favor

He reaches for the top drawer of her vanity, a logical place to find keys. He doesn't find them though, he finds something else completely.

A pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

And, like a puzzle he didn't even know he was solving, all the pieces click together. The puking, the glow Kate has, the impromptu dinner, everything.

He and Kate are having a baby.

He walks back into the living room to find Kate anxiously rocking back and forth on her heels. Once she sees him, she shakes her head slightly.

"Are we good to…"

"You're pregnant"

And there it is. And while Kate is slightly confused as to how he figured it out, she's thrilled.

She bites her lip, and looks down quickly before looking back at him. This is the youngest she thinks she's ever seen him.

"Yeah… yeah I am"

He runs to her, grabs her and kisses her hard. He surrounds her, lifting her off the ground. Kate wraps her legs around his thick waist and leans into him. She feels a single tear slide down his cheek.

They break apart, foreheads and noses still touching, Castle still holding her.

She laughs, a loud joyous laugh that causes his heart to swell.

They're having a baby.

* * *

_Well, there it is! Not to be sway your judgement, but that was one of my favorite chapters to write. I am honestly obsessed with babies (as long as they're not mine)_

_Anyways, you guys know the drill. Review if you liked it. Review if you didn't. Review if the last episode of Castle crept you out and you still can't sleep_


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